The last installment in My Spiritual Hedonism blog reflected on how you judge yourself and that one of the best ways to see yourself is through the quality of the people who consider you a friend. I received quite a few responses to that post and requests for "something more".
As I stated in the last installment, the reasons that certain expressions last throughout generations are because they are based on truth. So, I remember what the wise have said:
"Like attracts like." "Birds of a feather flock together." "Water seeks its own level."
I believe that I have real friends because I am a real friend. I give thanx for these gifts of friendship every day.
My advice for great friendships is to be a great friend by:
1. Being who you really are. This is the highest honor you can offer to another person. I never advise "tolerating" things that you would not normally accept in your life in the guise of "being polite". In reality, you are lying to the person and setting up resentments that don't need to exist at all;
2. Being responsible for your own comfort. Even if someone can read your mind, it is not their responsibility to know what you want until you have made your needs and desires clear. From that moment on, it is a person's choice to be interested in your comfort. Real friends are always interested in your comforts and do not feel imposed upon by accommodating them. In fact, real friends are pleased when you are pleased;
3. Honoring your boundaries. This allows people to be able to communicate with you without "vampiring" on your energies. You can develop polite ways to tell people that you are not "able to" communicate with them on certain topics, at certain times, etc. -- basically, when what's going on for them is draining you! This is a good way to allow those who want to be your friend to understand your strengths and those who only seek to "feed off" of your energies to recognize that you are not going to be the free meal.
4. Being truthful. I actually practice developing polite ways to express Myself truthfully in ways that will allow the person to understand Me without diminishing them in any way. Your goal is to be able to get your point across in an empowering way that will strengthen your relationship and assist your friend on their path. The truth will not only set you free, it frees the ones you care about.
5. Having joy in the joys of others. When you can truly be happy for someone else's good fortune, good fortune is your destiny. Like energy attracts like energy. If you want people who will honestly share in your joys, you must be able to love yourself enough to honestly be able to share in theirs.
6. Being the type of friend you want to have in your life. When you are aware of what is going on for you and are aware of your changes, you can be honest in how you are a friend. This requires continuous self-reflection, but that's part of what living and evolving is all about.
Now, here's the true test of friendship: being able to accept criticism, the truth (no matter how much it sux), and being able to give these with love and care. I'm not saying it's easy; I'm saying that it is worth doing whatever it takes to be a good friend when you have a good friend.
A huge amount of people live in lonely ways in The Fetish Scene. It is part of My Mission to enhance the opportunities for building Fetish Families and Communities.
I look forward to creating more events to allow people in The Scene to get to know each other and make Real Friends to enjoy life with!
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My next installment will focus on betrayal because that is a part of the evolution of how We view Ourselves and Our friendships as they come and go...
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